Co-Parenting Therapy

For those sharing custody of children, blended families, adoptive families, and for parents who are simply having difficulty getting on the same page, co-parenting can help with communication, adjusting parenting styles, addressing challenging parenting situations, creating parenting blueprints, and facilitating the transitions that are part of life.

The statistics and impact of divorce…

According to the 2016 US Census Bureau, current statistics show that 50% of first marriages and 60% of second marriages end in divorce.

This is a sobering statistic, and divorce can be a gut-wrenching experience.

Many children, particularly in high-conflict divorces, experience the more negative aspects of their parents’ decision to dissolve their marriage.

This can include long-term adjustment issues, strained parent-child relationships, anxiety and depression, increased risk of substance abuse, and use of other maladaptive coping strategies in the future.

A good divorce?

In my 22 years of experience, I have seen first-hand that a “good divorce” is possible.

What do I mean by this? A good divorce is an agreement between the parents to put aside their pain, anger, and resentment… and to put their children first.

I can hear you asking, “How can we do that when we couldn’t agree on anything while we were married?” Because I am here to tell you the stakes are too high not to. You are both going to be in your children’s lives for the foreseeable future… at family events, soccer games, swim meets, birthdays, graduations, marriages, etc. It really goes on and on.

Parents are the most important people in a child’s world, even if they can no longer be married or living together.

Divorcing parents can help their children adjust and thrive by modeling a collaborative relationship that clearly shows their children that they love them, will put their needs first, and will be kind and civil for their sake.

Shifting the focus…

Divorcing parents are sometimes concerned about coming into co-parenting therapy. This is especially true when the decision to separate was not mutual.

There can be worries that one of the participants in co-parenting therapy may have another agenda, such as a last-ditch effort to save the marriage or the re-hashing of marital issues. These are completely reasonable concerns.

But I am adept at helping you to refocus your efforts on your children’s needs to be able to set and achieve important goals.

Co-Parenting is about learning to be flexible.

What do I mean? Life does not proceed orderly in steps, states, and phases. Sometimes it’s four steps forward and two steps back.

There will be moments when you’ll be on the same page, have a strategy, and be in agreement on established ground rules. At other times, there will be changes with your children or with you that make it necessary to re-group and be flexible.

For example, you’re now divorced, and you are doing well with the day-to-day co-parenting issues: You keep each other informed on the children’s health, play dates, academic and financial needs. Then, one day your ex tells you they are in a serious relationship, and they are ready to introduce your children to their new partner. Of course, you realize that this will impact your children.

Together, we can create a game plan that puts your children’s needs first and allows you to arrive at a mutual, respectful understanding.

Blended families take strategic planning to be successful.

Given the high rate of divorce, blended families are no longer unusual.

Children come to these marriages with a mix of ambivalence, pain, divided loyalties, and, at times, feelings of abandonment and jealousy.

Research suggests that children adjust to a new step-family very differently based on their age. There are many strategies that can be used based on where the children are in their development to help ensure the best adjustment for every family member.

To be successful in parenting a blended family, important conversations and planning need to take place with all children involved.

A word about parenting styles…

Many parents contact me to work with their child who is struggling… only to discover that the caregivers have very different parenting styles and philosophies. One may be strict and inflexible with a “my way or the highway” approach, while the other parent may be very permissive and use the “almost anything goes” style.

These very dissimilar parenting approaches can cause significant issues with how your children respond to you, and they can cause strife in the couple’s relationship. Co-parenting therapy can coach you on how to get on the same page… and help you learn what methods will work best for your child’s temperament.

You are the experts on your children.

While you may have not been ideal marriage partners, you can be excellent partners in parenting. I have seen this happen.

The goal is to look to the future and determine together what is best for your children. In the case of divorced/divorcing parents, the goal is not to revisit the marriage, past feelings, and disappointments.

Do not fear, I will not allow us to get sidetracked on the painful rehash of the marriage.

In therapy, we will work on identifying parents’ mutual goals for their children. Therapy will be somewhat directive to keep us on track, and we’ll set goals for each session. I’ll coach you in different techniques and ways to address what’s happening within your interactions with your children.

I may ask you to use specific techniques based on where you are and where your child is developmentally. There is not a one-size-fits-all approach to addressing the parenting needs of your children. For some, it is forming parameters around communications regarding the children.

For others, it is a session with older children to ask them what they desire and need from their parents. It could also mean looking at challenging behaviors your children are displaying and figuring out solutions together so that both parents are on the same page and can apply consistent strategies. For others, it may be making educational decisions or addressing mental health or transition concerns.

You are going to be in your children’s lives together for many years to come.

Birthdays, holidays, graduations, many milestones.

There will be a lot of issues and decisions that will come your way as they grow to be young adults.

Show them that the people who are most important to them in the world are models of cooperation and respect toward one another.

Families come in all flavors…

…married, divorced, blended family, and adoptive. Reach out today and receive expert guidance on how to become a more responsive, tuned-in parent, able to meet the changing needs of your children for the long haul.

Call me today: (571) 289-9181